A Very Potter Chatroom
by NimueTheSorceress
Summary: The characters of Harry Potter from the Very Potter end of the spectrum discover the brilliant invention that is internet chatrooms.
1. Break-ups with a side of Evil Plans

A/N- Okay, so I got this sudden urge to write a chatroom fanfic. This was written with help from some brilliant people who joined myself, KK94 and LittleMissThaliaGrace in a chatzy room. If you're interested in joining in with this, please message me, and I'll give you the link. But for now… enjoy!

**TheDarkKing** **is online**

**QueerQuirrell is online**

QueerQuirrell: Oh… er… Hi. My lord.

TheDarkKing: Quirrell… hi.

QueerQuirrell: You asked me to come here?

TheDarkKing: I found a chatroom. We should use it to discuss evil plans and such.

QueerQuirrel: Yes, that is… a very good idea. Very good indeed.

Don't ask about the… you know… username. Someone hacked me.

TheDarkKing: I was wondering about that…

QueerQuirrell: Cruel joke. I'm not actually gay.

**StupidDumbSister is online**

StupidDumbSister: Who's not actually gay?

TheDarkKing: Apparently, Quirrel…

WAIT! Weasley? What the Dobby's sock are you doing in this chatroom?

StupidDumbSister: Um… I just came in. What are YOU doing in this chatroom?

QueerQuirrell: Who the hell is StupidDumbSister?

Wait, Weasley? Ginny Weasley?

StupidDumbSister: My brother hacked my account :(

QueerQuirrell: Before you came in, my lord, did you actually set a password?

TheDarkKing: No… You can do that?

QueerQuirrell: Wha- That is the most stupid, idiotic thing you can think of!

**BlameTheNargles is online**

QueerQuirrell: Oh, great. More people!

TheDarkKing: Oh my wizard god…

StupidDumbSister: Luna, is that you?

BlameTheNargles: Yes, is that Ginny? Did Ron hack your account?

StupidDumbSister: Yeah…

QueerQuirrell: My dark king, we have officially been hacked. #well done

TheDarkKing: Oh, be quiet, Quirrell. It's not so bad. Potter could be on here…

StupidDumbSister: Harry? I can get him here too…

TheDarkKing: NO!

QueerQuirrell: Oh God, do NOT say that!

StupidDumbSister: Though, since he did break up with me…

TheDarkKing: Yes! Don't let him on!

BlameTheNargles: I can't believe he did that!

QueerQuirrell: That would explain the lack of sympathy between you both recently.

StupidDumbSister: Wait, how do you know that?

TheDarkKing: The chatroom has turned into a soap opera… Quirrell, how DO you know that?

QueerQuirrell: I still watch over the school. I'm sorry, Miss Weasley. Are you okay? I know how unrequited love feels…

TheDarkKing: …What's this about unrequited love?

QueerQuirrell: That was at Miss Weasley, my Lord, not you. ARE you okay, Miss Weasley?

StupidDumbSister: I… um… I'm dating Dean now anyway…

BlameTheNargles: You deserve better than Harry, Ginny.

StupidDumbSister: Yeah! I do! And Dean is way better!

QueerQuirrell: Do tell us more!

StupidDumbSister: Ur…

TheDarkKing: How did this turn into a gossip circle?

StupidDumbSister: Hey, weren't you two talking about something when we came in?

QueerQuirrell: N-no!

TheDarkKing: Not at all!

StupidDumbSister: You were discussing evil plans! I wanna hear about evil plans!

QueerQuirrell: Evil plans… the name of Zac Efron's new muggle movie! Yes…

StupidDumbSister: ZEFRON?

TheDarkKing: Yeah…. We want to go see it…

BlameTheNargles: I must go. I think the nargles took my shoes…

**BlameTheNargles is offline**

**HarryFreakingPotter is online**

StupidDumbSister: Harry?

TheDarkKing: Oh, shit…

HarryFreakingPotter: Oh, Ginny… Awkward…

StupidDumbSister: …

QueerQuirrell: Right. I'll just be… err… going…

HarryFreakingPotter: Oh, hey Squirrel!

QueerQuirrell: I am not a Squirrel, Potter. And you are not a very nice person!

My Lord, if you need me, I'll be elsewhere….

**QueerQuirrell is offline**

HarryFreakingPotter: Seen Ron anywhere?

StupidDumbdSister: …No! And I wouldn't tell you if I had!

He hacked my account, and you DUMPED ME!

HarryFreakingPotter: Come on! It's been a whole…. Twelve hours, get over it!

StupidDumbSister: You know… Dean's a way better boyfriend than you were!

HarryFreakingPotter: Pfft, I'm Harry freaking Potter, how?

TheDarkKing: Nobody acknowledges me…

HarryFreakingPotter: Hey there! You're not going to try and murder me, are you?

TheDarkking: Only if you don't try to murder me.

HarryFreakingPotter: Eh. We'll see how it goes.

StupidDumbSister: I'm going to go find Dean!

**StupidDumbSister is offline**

HarryFreakingPotter: Oh, joy.

TheDarkKing: So… They ditched us…

HarryFreakingPotter: Yeah….

TheDarkKing: This isn't awkward at all or anything…

HarryFreakingPotter: Totally not.

Ouch! My scar's started to burn….

TheDarkKing: Muahahahahaha…

**BlameTheNargles is online**

HarryFreakingPotter: Luna!

TheDarkKing: Oh, Luna! Thank Wizard god!

BlameTheNargles: Harry! How could you dump Ginny?

HarryFreakingPotter: You too?

Get off my case, guys.

TheDarkKing: I was never on your case… You have a case?

BlameTheNargles: Since when was I on his case?

HarryFreakingPotter: I broke up with Ginny because I wanted to. It was our relationship and it didn't work out.

BlameTheNargles: Okay…

**StupidDumbSister is online**

StupidDumbSister: Oh.

He's still here.

…

HarryFreakingPotter: Oh. You.

StupidDumbSister: Yes. Me.

TheDarkKing: Well, um, this is awkward, so I'm going to go find Quirrell…

**TheDarkKing is offline**

**HarryFreakingPotter is offline**

BlameTheNargles: Gosh, Harry! Way to be mean!

**BlameTheNargles is offline**

StupidDumbSister: Oh.

Everyone left.

Well, I'm glad Dean still loves me…

**StupidDumbSister is offline**


	2. Meeting and Cheating

A/N- Okay, so here's chapter two. Thanks to an unfortunate power cut in the RP-er for Voldemort's area, the Death Eaters ended up having an online meeting… _without_ their Dark Lord. Also, everyone in the room encountered various problems all at the same time in the RP, and basically everything went downhill from there, so this one's a bit short and not very much happens… Enjoy!

**LadyCissy is online**

LadyCissy: My Lord?

**QueerQuirrell is online**

QueerQuirrell: Lady Narcissa?

LadyCissy: Quirrell? Why are you here?

QueerQuirrell: I was invited. For the meeting.

LadyCissy: Thank Wizard god Bella can't come…

QueerQuirrell: DON'T mention her name here!

LadyCissy: It's alright, Quirrell. Bella and Lucius are both busy tonight. At least, that's what they told me.

QueerQuirrel: …That is an image I did not need.

LadyCissy: What do you mean?

QueerQuirrel: Narcisssa, please don't tell me you're as obtuse as I think you are…

LadyCissy: I don't understand what you're insinuating, Quirrell!

QueerQuirrell: I'm just saying that it could be possible that your husband and your sister could be…

LadyCissy: Could be what, Quirrell?

QueerQuirrell: Could be… 'together'. I'd check on them if I were you.

LadyCissy: …

**SourGrapeSeverus is online**

**DeathEater1 is online**

**DeathEater 2 is online**

DeathEater1: What? I thought we were coming on at different times!

LadyCissy: Oh, hello Severus.

SourGrapeSeverus: Quirrell, what the devil are you doing here?

QueerQuirrell: I should ask you the same thing, Severus.

SourGrapeSeverus: Quirrell, you printed out the schedule for this room. You should know that I reserved it!

LadyCissy: I was under the impression that the DARK LORD reserved this chatroom.

QueerQuirrell: Severus, that is not fair. And what are two other death eaters doing in here?! It was meant to be a private conversation between my Dark Lord and I!

SourGrapeSeverus: Why is that? Don't think I don't know what you're doing in here, Quirrell!

I think you've found out what a Hufflepuff is, and you're trying to upstage me!

**SourGrapeSnape is offline**

DeathEater1: Well, if I'm not useful here, I'll go look for the Dark Lord. Bye!

**DeathEater1 is offline**

**DeathEater2 is offline.**

Lady Cissy: I thought this room was only for the Inner Circle?

QueerQuirrell: Who knows, the Death Eaters could BE in the Inner Circle.

LadyCissy: Nonsense. We'd know who they were if that was true.

Now, excuse me, Quirrell, but I think it's about time I spoke with my husband.

**LadyCissy is offline**

QueerQuirrell: Well, so much for a meeting with the Dark Lord…

**QueerQuirrell is offline**


End file.
